Understanding Anxiety in Your Child, And What You Can Do to Help

What is anxiety?

Anxiety is a natural response to stress or perceived danger. In children, it often shows up as worry, restlessness, or physical symptoms like a racing heart or tense muscles. Our bodies have an incredible built-in alarm system — the nervous system — designed to keep us safe.

Polyvagal Theory helps us understand how this works. The nervous system can move between different states:

• Ventral Vagal (Safe, Social): Calm, connected, able to engage with others.

• Sympathetic (Fight/Flight): Energy mobilizes to respond to threat — the child may seem keyed up, tense, or restless.

• Dorsal Vagal (Shutdown): If the threat feels overwhelming, children may withdraw, seem stuck, or become quiet.

Anxiety often arises when the nervous system senses a threat and moves out of the safe, ventral vagal state. This is a normal protective response — the body is alerting the child to danger and preparing them to respond.

When is anxiety a problem?

All children experience anxiety at times — before a test, trying something new, or when facing big changes. This is normal and helpful, giving them the alertness to respond effectively.

Anxiety may become a concern when it:

• Feels constant or overwhelming

• Interferes with school, friendships, or daily routines

• Triggers strong fight/flight or freeze responses even in safe situations

When anxiety becomes overwhelming, strategies that help children regulate their nervous system can be very effective. Approaches informed by Polyvagal Theory, IFS, and trauma-informed work can help children feel calmer, more connected, and better able to respond flexibly to challenges.

What can I do to support the children I care for?

Helping children manage anxiety is often about supporting their nervous system so they can return to a calm, connected state. Here are some practical strategies parents can try, including some of our favourite resources:

1. Create a Safe Environment

• Maintain consistent routines and a calm atmosphere at home as much as possible.

• Predictable environments help children feel secure and keep their nervous system regulated.

2. Validate Feelings

• Acknowledge and accept your child’s fears without judgment: “It makes sense you feel worried about this.” or if it doesn't, get curious "Tell me more about what worries you about this?"

• Naming and noticing feelings supports ventral vagal engagement and teaches children they are heard.

3. Teach Coping Skills

• Practice deep breathing, mindfulness, and relaxation techniques together.

• We love the Peaceful Kids meditations on the Insight Timer app — they’re designed to help children calm their nervous system.

• Gentle movement, stretching, or shaking out tension can also release stress from the sympathetic system.

4. Be a Role Model

• Demonstrate healthy ways to handle stress and anxiety in your own life.

• Children learn how to regulate their nervous system by observing safe, calm adults.

5. Encourage Realistic Self-Talk

• Help your child reframe negative thoughts with realistic, reassuring statements.

• These are different from “always positive” thoughts — no one feels positive all the time, and it’s okay!

6. Promote Healthy Habits

• Ensure adequate sleep, a balanced diet, and regular physical activity.

• Healthy habits support overall nervous system regulation and resilience.

7. Limit Exposure to Stressors

• Minimise unnecessary stressors and manage over-scheduling.

• Children who are feeling anxious may need extra downtime in their daily routines.

8. Use Books and Resources

• Age-appropriate books can help children understand and manage anxiety.

• Our favourites include:

  • Hey Warrior by Karen Young

  • What To Do When You Worry Too Much by Dawn Huebner

9. Be Patient and Supportive

• Understand that overcoming anxiety takes time.

• Celebrate small victories and provide reassurance as children practice new coping strategies.

10. Create a Support Network

• Communicate with teachers, counsellors, and other caregivers for additional support.

• Shared understanding across home and school helps children feel more secure.

11. Seek Professional Help if Needed

• Consult a mental health professional if anxiety is severe or persistent.

• Trauma-informed approaches, IFS, and Polyvagal-informed strategies can provide effective support.

Got questions? Looking for some additional resources? Please let me know at jessica@amayawellbeing.com.au or I’m always happy to chat further 02 9521 5485.