When the ART Journey Doesn’t End With a Baby

You’ve spent months, years, and thousands of dollars chasing the dream of becoming a parent. You’ve endured appointments, waiting, procedures, hope, and heartbreak.

Many people start with IVF, one of the most common types of assisted reproductive technology (ART), as a hopeful step toward parenthood.

Most stories shared online about IVF acknowledge the pain but often end with a baby in arms — a happy ending that makes the struggle feel “worth it.”

But what happens when that isn’t your story?

For some, the IVF journey doesn’t quietly fade into the background once a baby is on the way. It remains a significant trauma, shaped by years of grief and loss, and compounded each time another cycle ends in disappointment.

This Was Never Part of the Plan

Many begin IVF after years of trying to conceive naturally. There may not be clear explanations for infertility — or even if there are, IVF feels like the next hopeful step that might finally lead to parenthood.

During the process, you do everything you can to increase your chances. You monitor your diet obsessively. You take every recommended supplement. You explore acupuncture, Chinese herbs, gut health, gentle exercise. You balance hope with fear, trying not to get too stressed, because everyone tells you stress isn't good for conception. You argue with your partner about lifestyle choices, wondering if one drink or skipped supplement could be the reason why it's not working. Or you spends hours scanning through donor websites, trying to find just the right match.

You become consumed by the process — physically, emotionally, financially. You tell yourself it will all be worth it.

Until it’s not.

Until the journey ends, and you are not holding the baby you were waiting for.

The Grief No One Talks About

The grief of ending a fertility journey without a child is layered and complex. It’s often invisible to others — even those closest to you. It doesn’t fit into traditional forms of mourning. This is what is known as disenfranchised grief — the kind of grief that is not openly acknowledged or socially supported.

It can feel isolating, heavy, and impossible to put into words. It marks a seismic shift in identity. While the possibility of childlessness may have existed in the background during IVF, facing it as a reality is a shock that few are prepared for.

What does it mean to imagine a life without the role of parenthood? How do you process a future that looks nothing like what you had hoped for?

You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone

I support individuals who have reached this difficult and often unspoken place in their fertility journey. I offer a space where every part of you is welcome — the grieving part, the angry part, the exhausted and disillusioned part, and the part that still wants to feel OK again.

There are no shortcuts in processing this kind of loss. But through gentle, compassionate counselling, I walk alongside clients as they begin to navigate this new chapter — however it may unfold.

Together, we can honour the depth of your grief while also making room for what comes next. If this is where you find yourself, please know you’re not alone — and support is available.