Getting to Know Your Inner Parts

Why you sometimes react in ways that surprise you — and how getting curious about your internal world can change everything.

Have you ever found yourself thinking, “Why did I say that?” or “Part of me wants to do this… but another part really doesn’t”? That inner conflict isn’t just indecision or overthinking — it’s something much more human and meaningful.

In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we talk about “parts” — the different aspects of ourselves that show up to help us get through life. And the idea is simple, but powerful:

We all have many parts. They each have a role. And none of them are bad.

What do we mean by parts?

Think of a time you were invited to something you didn’t want to attend.

• One part of you might have wanted to say yes — to avoid letting anyone down.

• Another part was screaming no — craving rest, solitude, or a night off.

• Maybe another part worried you’d seem rude or selfish.

All of those responses are valid. They’re just coming from different parts of you, shaped by past experiences, roles you’ve held, or messages you’ve absorbed over time.

Parts can sound like:

• “I should be more productive.”

• “I can’t trust anyone.”

• “I just want to feel cared for.”

• “I have to keep it together.”

You might notice a critical part, a people-pleasing part, a protective part, or a younger part that still carries hurt. They often show up in moments of stress or conflict, trying their best to help — even if it doesn’t feel that helpful in the moment.

Why does this matter?

When we begin to notice and name our parts, something shifts. Instead of being swept away by a reaction, we can pause and ask:

What part of me is showing up right now? What is it afraid might happen? What might it need from me?

This builds what we call self-awareness with compassion. It creates space between the reaction and the response — and that space is where real change can happen.

A real-world example

Let’s say you get feedback at work and immediately feel defensive. A part of you might say, “They don’t appreciate anything I do.” Another part might spiral into self-criticism: “I knew I wasn’t good enough.”

Both parts are trying to protect something vulnerable underneath, maybe a fear of failure or rejection. If we meet those parts with curiosity instead of shame, we can begin to understand what they need: reassurance, boundaries, support.

All parts are welcome

This is one of the core principles of IFS: all parts are welcome. Even the ones you wish would go away. Even the ones that feel too much, too loud, or too hard to manage.

These parts often developed for a reason. They learned how to cope, protect, perform, or avoid — sometimes in ways that no longer serve us. But underneath their strategy is usually a very understandable need.

When we bring compassion to our internal world, we can start to heal from the inside out.

Where to begin

Getting to know your parts doesn’t mean figuring them all out at once. It starts with noticing. With curiosity. With slowing down enough to ask, “What’s going on inside me right now?”

And if you don’t feel ready to do that alone, that’s okay. This is work you can do gently, alongside a supportive therapist who can help you stay regulated and grounded as you explore.

You’re not broken. You’re multi-layered. And every part of you has a story worth hearing.