When Your Past Shows Up in the Present: Understanding Your Automatic Reactions

I was walking along the beach this week when I noticed a pippi digging its way back under the sand. A smile came to my face and a sense of calm washed over me. It was instant. I didn’t will it or think about wanting to feel that way. My nervous system simply remembered. Childhood summers on the beach with attuned caregivers showing me how to dig for pippis created these memories. I have very fond memories of collecting them, then releasing them and watching them dig back into the sand.

As an adult, seeing pippis brings up those same connections in my nervous system. Similarly, scents, family recipes, or other sensory cues can trigger strong memories, sometimes comforting, sometimes distressing. Our past experiences shape how we respond, and these responses often happen below the level of conscious thought.

Neuroception is a term coined by Dr Stephen Porges. It refers to the subconscious way our nervous system scans the environment and our relationships for safety or danger. We don’t actively think about it. Our bodies are constantly assessing whether it’s safe to relax and engage, or whether we need to protect ourselves. This explains why we might feel anxious or uneasy around certain people or situations without knowing exactly why. Neuroception is influenced by past experiences, including early attachment and trauma, and understanding it can help us notice when our body is reacting to old patterns rather than present reality.

Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy can be a particularly helpful way to understand this concept further. It helps us explore the different parts of ourselves that show up in these moments, whether or not we’ve consciously noticed them yet. For example, a part might push us to react defensively in a relationship conflict or result in feelings of “I’m not good enough” before a work presentation, quietly holding us back from speaking up or taking a risk. IFS helps us see these parts clearly, understand why they are trying to protect us, and develop curiosity and compassion towards them, even if their behaviours don’t feel helpful in the moment.

Neuroception influences all of our relationships. Wondering why a friend seemed upset by your message, or a colleague reacted strongly to what felt like a seemingly minor comment? We all respond differently because of the parts that are active in the moment and the experiences that shaped our nervous system.

Therapy can be a supportive space to explore these responses, build self-awareness, and learn to respond rather than react. With human connection, curiosity, and guidance, we can begin to understand how our nervous system and inner parts shape our daily lives, and start to relate to ourselves and others in ways that feel safer and more connected.